In
In all my years as a professional lecturer/teacher, one of the topics that mystifies both adults and children is anger. From generation to generation, we have passed down the idea that feeling anger is wrong. A feeling isn’t right or wrong, it just is; what a person does with that feeling is what counts. Understanding issues around anger help a person to manage it better.
Anger is a second feeling. For example, you called a friend and that friend forgot to call you back. You seem angry. What was another feeling you had? Disappointed, hurt, judgmental, etc.. If you can dissect an angry feeling by asking what was the first feeling, you can deal with it less emotionally. “I was hurt because she didn’t call back. Maybe her day was so hectic that calling me back wasn’t possible, maybe she was ill.” Anger by itself is like an unidentified train that roars through, throws you to the ground, captures your emotions, and roars on through.
When a parent screams at a child for running into the street, their first feeling was fear (the child could be hit by a car.) If your friend/husband calls to say they can’t go to the theater with you, and they have the tickets, you feel disappointed, frustrated, sad first—then angry.
When I worked with teenagers, I blew up a balloon using a “little” irritation as the reason to blow into the balloon. Bam! That’s what happens when you store up little angers—a volcanic eruption! Checking for the first feeling behind a feeling of anger might help you diffuse (maybe even re-direct) a feeling of frustration, irritation, anger and release it.
Anger is the second feeling you feel! (See Sandys Wisdom, Entry #1—rethinking an anger.)
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