As children we heard, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt you.” What each of us know is that judgmental words chosen by someone you love or respect become tattoo’s on your heart, causing you to withdraw from your own potential. It took me too many years to live the words, “What other people think of me is non of my business.”
Whenever I have spoken in haste, especially when I’m hurt, has been regrettable. It’s kinda like throwing ink on someone; you can remove their clothes and the skin still gets stained. When I needed to testify in court, the attorney trained me to count to five before I answered any question, even my name. It is difficult to pause when anger sets in, and that pause may save you from a thousand hurts and regrets.
When you feel defensive about something someone says, ask for clarification: “You are really angry with me, can you help me see why!” Asking the other person to clarify what they said gives you time to be responsive rather than reactive. If someone thinks you are angry with them, “Tell me what you think I am angry with you for?” So many big confrontations would have been smaller had each side clarified their position.
At 81 years of life, I will tell you that your life will pass by in flash! When the time is gone, it is gone, and way too many years can pass by, your course re-arranged by a choice made in fear/anger. Trade in accusations for words asking to clarify what was said—talk about your feelings instead of clamming up and shutting down–or making assumptions.
Breathe! Think before you speak! Listen! Walk in the other person’s shoes! Don’t take everything so personally—even though you were trained to do just that. Give someone else a chance to clear the air rather than building a wall on supposition. Regrets are heavy–don’t carry too many!
PLEASE COPY AND PASTE OR SHARE WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
ALL POSTS ARE ON parentingsos.com/blog
Scott A. McDaniel photo
