I was an elementary school teacher and a mother, so my compulsion to help someone “fix it” is extreme. I have a solutions-oriented mind. My caring is as deep as the ocean, high as a sky (sounds like words to put in a song…) One of the things that women often have difficulty understanding is that when a man rants about something, he is just blowing off steam. He doesn’t want to discuss it, analyze it or fix it. Women, on the other hand, are often looking for someone to engage in loving thoughts and tenderness—sometimes, that’s why we rant about something.
As a parent coach for some 60+ years, I often talked about letting children solve their own problems, often with your guidance. “I can’t figure out how to use this app.” Instead of taking the phone and doing the work, ask, “How is this one different from the ones you have already used?” or even say,”If I didn’t know the answer to that, how could you find the answer?” (Google, Youtube, etc.) Looking up the needed information together creates connection time and teaches a child to be resourceful.
When my daughter, Kathleen, was twelve years old, I noticed she was sitting outside in our entrance-way. She was crying. I went out and sat next to here. No words, no hand-holding, just sitting there. At some point, she blurted out, “why is Carrie so mean?” She said some more words, then returned to our silence. Kathleen ducked her head under my arm and just stayed there for a quiet hug. Finally, I offered, “Maybe she just hasn’t been taught to be kind.”
Being there for someone is an extraordinary gift. Once I crossed over 80, many of my “just being there” friends crossed over their life bridge. Remember that for the elderly in your life, and maybe you can make time to just be there for them once in awhile.
Please share with friends and family.
Scott A McDaniel photo
