“I would be so much happier if he talked about his feelings!” “I wish she didn’t talk so much about one thing; I get the message after that first part of her lecture.” “I want my kids to be gracious and have good manners, and they don’t!”
Taking the last example first, children only have good manners when they are modeled and taught by the parents. “You don’t have to shake someone’s hand, and you do need to look into their eyes when you say hello, then tell me later what color they were.” I told my kids, “You can be gracious to other people or my class on that subject with be on Saturday at 6AM.”
People need feedback. If I say something critical to my grown daughter, she will say, “What I just heard you say was (you don’t like my new hair color.). Is that your message? Asking someone to clarify what is being said stops your Olympic ability to distort what was said!
If someone (male or female) isn’t giving you feedback when you are talking, say, “I wonder if I’m being clear, how do you feel about what I’ve said so far?” Warning! If a female is talking to a male, it is important to ask what he thinks about something BEFORE you ask for his feelings: “What do you think about what I’ve just said?” (“I think it is worth trying.”) “So how do you feel about what I just said?”
Expectations are impossible as they require someone else to be EXACTLY like what you have imagined them to be or do. YOUR expectation is often blocking the bridge to your connection to others.
Please share with friends and family.
Scott A McDaniel photo
