I once heard a therapist say, “Sandy, you would forgive a total stranger before you’d forgive yourself. “
Where did we learn to be so hard on ourselves? I think our world is designed to measure everything by good or bad—win or lose—good or not good enough. So we keep raising the bar on our own expectations of ourselves.
From the criticism I received from my mother, the school system, comparing myself with peers I developed a “not good enough” mentality. “Nice try, no cigar!” is a saying from my generation.
If you are different from others in any way, your not good enough standards increase considerably. You weren’t taught that being different makes you more interesting, more valuable because you have a different perspective on everything. Instead of riding the ALONE horse, it is necessary to look for people who “get” you, can see you for who you are. Quirky people are so much more interesting than those who work full time to blend in, to be like others.
So maybe choosing to not be so hard on yourself begins by YOU seeing YOU for the good that you are. Even if you can only find two things that you like about yourself, focus on them. Neither depression nor sadness can outride counting one or two good things over and over and over. At some point, your wounded self will hear you.
No one knows how hard you have worked to figure out who you are. You are connected to every living thing. You have unimaginable strength. Look at how far you have come! Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself for the things you didn’t know how to do differently. Be you….now!
Please share with friends and family.
Scott A. McDaniel pho
