Have you ever had a relative or friend “coach” you about a choice or decision, and you felt annoyed? You might have thought, “Mind your own business!” I grew up in a generation that believed “coaching” was based on helping the person see the light when, in truth, it always about being right or wrong. At 81, I can tell you that what is right for you might not be right for someone else, and some important lessons are learned taking the wrong road.
When someone is asking for my counsel about “coaching” someone else, telling them what is right for them, I remind them to stay in their own lane. It’s a swimmers racing term. You have been given one lane in which to navigate the days of your life. Swimming in someone else’s lane doesn’t honor their ability to find their own truth.
I feel inclined to coach someone about a parenting choice. I wasn’t asked my opinion on the choices being made, so I need to stay in my own lane. I’m talking to someone who is saying something I don’t agree with, and I know from previous encounters that that person is adamant about their belief, so I remind myself, “Stay in your own lane, Sandy.”
I have a friend who spends every waking moment worrying about her grown children. All she will talk about is what one of them needs to do. They are grown! They have earned the right to discover what works in life and what doesn’t. It is sometimes allowable to make a suggestion using clear words, “I don’t live inside of you and it seems to me that….” Done! End of coaching! Now, what’s in your lane that needs your attention?
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Scott A. McDaniel photo
