Along with the extensive use of media technology come several relationship challenges. People don’t feel heard. Part of that problem occurs because we are all becoming numb to violence and the ability to empathize is diminishing in both adults and children. We need to slow down and connect! Carl Roger’s Conflict Resolution techniques are my favorite. Here is one of them:
Rule #1: Person A says everything that can be said about the situation.
Rule #2: Person B needs to repeat what was heard, to the satisfaction of the other person. Then person B can state their side of the issue.
Going back and forth, this technique slows down the argument and makes sure each side is listening.
A. “I think I should be allowed to stay out until 1:00 AM on weekends because all of my friends can stay out that late.”
B. “You think because your friends can stay out until one o’clock, I should let you do so as well. Is that what you said?
A: “Yes.”
B: “I can see how hard it is for you to need to come in early, and I’m concerned that most drunk driving accidents occur between 12 and 1 o’clock.
A: “You’re worried about my safety because there are so many drunk drivers on the road at that time. Don’t you trust me?”
B: I do trust you, and maybe we can try it for two weeks, then we’ll talk again.
B: (different ending) “I do trust you and I don’t trust other people at that hour, so I’m going to say no.”
A: (argument)
B: “I do trust you and I don’t trust other people at that hour, so I’m going to say no.”
A: (argument)
B: “I do trust you and I don’t trust other people at that hour, so I’m going to say no.” *SW # 38: using the Broken Record)
It takes a lot of time and energy to communicate like this, and when both people feel heard, the likelihood of resentment building up is less. Without connection we are all adrift and feel alone in a very challenging time.
Please share with family and friends!
Scott A. McDaniel photo
