She makes me so angry!” or “He hurt my feelings!” or “She ruined my day!” are all lies we tell ourselves (or other people) so we set ourselves up as victims. “If only they would change, then I could be happy,” is a great way to give up any thought you had for happiness. It is up to YOU, not someone else, to change.

“I feel upset when you (interrupt me) all the time.” is an empowering statement. “I am feeling hurt and sad after hearing your words.” “I need to rethink my choices so my day isn’t ruined by them.” When you start to say, “You hurt my feelings,” you may catch yourself, stop, and have no clue what to say. Try starting with “I,” identify your feeling (“am feeling hurt right now,”) and add what you want, (“so I want to take a time out and get my balance.”

The main place I want to influence is your thinking. If you feel like a victim, you will be a victim. There is no power, so recovery is unlikely, once you’ve slid into the “poor me” pool. Simply cleaning up your words, helps your mind to trade positive thoughts for the negative ones that had ahold of you. I use a simple phrase, (borrowed from the therapist who helped me save my life,**) “Thanks, God!” for everything: I turn on the light, “TG!”, my car starts up, “TG!” I sit down to eat, “TG!” I see a sunset, “TG!” I get a hug from a friend, “TG!” Many times during the day, I hear myself saying, “Thanks God!” Gratitude is the great healer and blocks negative thoughts from filling your thinking.

Nobody, hurts your feelings, you choose to be hurt. Maybe reading some of my Sandy’s Wisdom writings will help you find the tools to be more than the negativity that comes to your life. Therein lies the reason I am sharing those thoughts with you. Blessing and love!

**Thanks God for Suzan Aldimassi, Marriage and Family Therapy, Newport Beach, CA,

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Scott A McDaniel photo