One of the greatest gifts you can give another person is to feel heard. Few children or adults feel heard. Where did we learn to be more interested in ourselves than other people?
John Gray in his book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, talks about the difference between mens and women’s listening needs. John says women talk about problems in order to not feel alone in them, men share problems for which they seek solutions.
Most parents failed to model listening well; over-burdened with things to do or exhausted from a long work day, children’s words fell on deaf ears. Children who did not feel heard walked into relationships needy in the feeling heard arena. Parents also did what I call “over kill” lecturing children about their behavior. Early on, children turn a deaf ear to too many words spoken.
When someone is talking, give some sort of feedback. Be like those wonderful churches where congregants say, “Yes!” or “That’s right!” or “Amen!” and let the person talking know you are engaged.
If, half-way through what you are saying, you inject a story about your experience with what you are talking about, you miss giving the gift of feeling heard. You begin to realize that person isn’t interested in knowing you, so you stop sharing your feelings and stories.
Hush! Listen! Other people may have perspectives that will change yours. Other people will feel more valued. Give the gift of feeling heard. (Are you listening?)
Please share with friends and family!
Scott A. McDaniel photo!
