Perspective is how you see things. Is your perspective about yourself based on outside features of the quality of your being, which is the outside of you? If we could look into a crystal ball and see a picture of the way you would like to be, what would you see in your picture? Would […]

Perspective is HOW you see things. How you see things determines the quality of your life. Your perspective changes over time as you literally see things differently. If you were walking down the street and someone started pushing you from behind, your tendency would be to get angry very quickly. If you turned around, only […]

At almost 82 years old (can you believe it?) I will tell you a very simple yet insanely difficult concept to remember: SOME PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU, SOME CANNOT! I’m not talking about aliens here, I’m talking about, due to a person’s past experience, they are able or not able to view you as you […]

When I’ve taught life skills classes, one of the most difficult concepts for people to accept is that no one makes you angry or hurts your feelings. You are always at choice with what how you respond to another person. “You make me so angry!” a parent tells a child. Think about how much power […]

A perfectionist is constantly caught up in a “not good enough” cycle, so nothing they do is regarded by them as a personal achievement. So many times, over my 81+ years of life, I’ve thrown sincere compliments off walls of personal judgment. Another type of person who fits the “not good enough” cycle is someone […]

We are so attached to what the other person think that it is easy to agree to do something you do not want to do. Another reason to ignore our own feelings is a fear of someone’s anger. We all have triggers from the past; too many people avoid anger because it brings back a […]

Have you ever looked back on something (or a bunch of somethings) you did when you were younger, wondering how you could’ve been so stupid? Old friends sometimes get together, laughing about the times when we…….Of course, there are things we did that we try not to remember. I worked with at-risk teens who were […]

In Sandy’s Wisdom #1, I talked about how changing my perspective on a deep resentment I had carried for years, allowed me to exchange judgment for total acceptance. Instead of letting my mind be an angry attack dog arranging thoughts into an endless victim pattern, I repeated “That’s different” until my mind accepted it. I […]

I once heard a therapist say, “Sandy, you would forgive a total stranger before you’d forgive yourself. “ Where did we learn to be so hard on ourselves? I think our world is designed to measure everything by good or bad—win or lose—good or not good enough. So we keep raising the bar on our […]

I am increasingly concerned that we, as adults, are not choosing manners, morals and integrity as the foundation of our lives. Since you teach most by what you model, it is fair to say we are not teaching children those essential skills as well. You can count on my word because I keep my word. […]

After a lot of planning, I sent a gift to a friend. No comment. I asked it she had received my gift and she said, “Yes, I did.” Like pricking a pin with a balloon I felt totally deflated. “That was fun!” I thought. Later, she mention she had received my surprise gift and that […]

A lady came up to me, telling me that, if I used this cream, it would take all the wrinkles out of my face. I turned to see my reflection in the window, pulled my face so all the lines disappeared. I smiled at her saying, “I’d look like I had no life! I’ve earned […]

School is about to begin again in many states. Almost every kid is nervous or afraid of going back to school. For children who learn in a different way than school teaches—or have had negative experiences in school—their fear is intense. Parents often fail to listen to their children’s feelings and may even make them […]

Life sends you signals. The trick is to pay attention! I was scheduled to go to a baseball game as my grandson was pitching. I put the game on the wrong date. Fortunately, a family email enlightened me. Dressed in shorts, T-shirt and a baseball cap, I stared driving. It was cloudy and there was […]

Yesterday, I had coffee with my 18 year old female friend, Alyssa. It was our last time together before she goes to college. We talked amiably for about an hour; she mostly listened as she is adept in asking questions about my life that are deeper than, “How are you doing?” I’m almost 82, with […]

Put your outstretched right and left in front of you, with one hand parallel to the other, palms faced downward. The top hand represents how much good you can handle and the bottom hand represents how much negative you can handle. The space between the two hands is called your comfort zone. We set up […]

Many years ago, took a week’s workshop with Jack Canfield. My son came home from Camp, so I missed a day, and it was my turn to share the day I returned to the seminar. My talk was filmed. I gave it my all, everyone clapped and cheered, and Jack asked me how I felt […]

Many years ago, my partner, Peggy Bielen and I got into trouble for putting “A feeling isn’t right or wrong, it just is!” into our self-esteem program. Our point was that feelings exist, and it is what you do with a feeling that matters. You may heal, ignore and change negative feelings. Every person has […]

My dear mother was always worried about what the neighbors think. She would ask my son what he was thinking when he hung his swimsuit in the open window of her two story Avalon home. “Drying my swimsuit,” is the obvious answer, and the hidden pitfall was what would people think? I overheard a conversation […]

Every single one of us has a small child inside. At 81 years of age, it ranges between two and four year old. It represents the best and least of me. It is the part that makes judgments, holds grudges, lies, withholds, feels guilty, compares, focuses on the “what ifs” and keeps me from being […]