#86 YOU ARE ONLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR PART IN THE PLAY!

So many generations of children were raised to be defensive because we were always in trouble for something, or criticized in some way. As a result, when another person is angry with us, we immediately jump into defending ourselves. “Your hair needs cutting!” Response: “Well, I’ve been really busy, and so…..” A favorite attack is […]

#85: “IF YOU. WANT TO FLY, LET GO OF EVERYTHING THAT WEIGHS YOU DOWN.”

I put the quote above in a message to friends and one person said, ‘”Easier said than done!” I wrote back, “There are things you can change and things you can’t change. For the things you can’t change it’s your attachment to the idea that they will change, should change or must change that causes […]

#84 IS LOVE A PHYSICAL CURE?

IN 2015, I had open heart surgery. Since then, I have been on a roller coaster ride, going in and out of A-fib. Recently, my heart stopped beating for a couple of seconds, more than one time. So I ended up seeing doctor after doctor, with a new plan for staying alive. What I have […]

#83 WHY IS IT SO HARD TO SAY GOOD-BYE?

I can remember when my son, Scott, was young (5 or 6); he would stand and watch the island get smaller as our boat moved away from it. Tears ran down his face. He loved, Avalon on Catalina Island. Although he loved the fishing and freedom, what he also liked was who he was when […]

#82: HOW TO RESPOND LIKE AN ADULT WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE A CHILD.

(Hang in with me on this part:) Eric Bern’s “Transactional Analysis” changed my children’s lives. There are three aspects to our personality: Parent (not to be confused with the people who birthed us)–Adult and Child. The Parent has two parts, Critical Parent and Nurturing Parent. The Adult is like Spock, very logical and precise. The Child […]

81: RIGHT OR WRONG, WHO DETERMINES THESE? HOW CAN SOMETHING BE WRONG THAT TEACHES YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW?

We were not taught to learn from our mistakes! What more is a mistake than a choice that would have carried your life a different direction than it did. A poor choice! If I had a nickel for every poor choice I’ve made, I’d be Opra-rich! Mistakes are the way we learn—and Life seems to […]

#80 JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED!

People have heard me say that my dear mother was an Olympic criticizer. She labeled people and made snap judgments about them. So how did I not inherit that trait? I did! And then I was blessed to work with lots of families when I taught school, when I taught parenting for 60 years, when […]

#79: WHEN IS A CRISIS NOT A CRISIS?

It was one of those trying to catch up with your list kinda days, and I was late getting things together for a monthly group Christmas meeting. My appetizer made, white elephant gift wrapped, I charged off into the night. Because the appetizer was hot, I put it on a folded over towel on the […]

#78: DO SOMETHING FOR WHICH SOMEONE CAN NEVER REPAY YOU!

In a class I was teaching, I suggested that one needs to try every day to do something for someone who can never repay you. The class went into major overwhelm, so I asked, “What things might you do to fulfill this requirement? Feed a homeless person, sponsor a child, take a complete meal to […]

#77: HOW MANY BLESSINGS DO YOU HAVE TO COUNT?

When I was a teenager, I had exploded in front of my parents, and had taken my sobbing self to my room, thrown myself on the bed. My father came in, sat by my side for awhile, then spoke, “Darling when you get through feeling sorry for yourself, try counting your blessings.” What impressed me […]

#76: THE POWER OF WORDS

My friend, Sohayl, is the father of three boys. He, his wife and three boys had been at the same gym for several hours; after two boys played, the family ate dinner in their car and were waiting for a late night game. “I suppose you have to come back here tomorrow for more play […]

#75: EXCHANGE MAKING EXCUSES FOR TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS!

**Starting Thanksgiving week, I will add one Sandy’s Wisdom piece a week, usually on Wednesdays. Think of your life as a play. There are other characters in your play who come and go, and interact with you. You are only responsible for YOUR part in the play. However, others will attempt to vacuum you in […]

#74: IF DEFENDING YOURSELF WERE SNOW, WOULD YOU BE A BLIZZARD?

Peggy Bielen my dear friend and co-creator of a self-esteem program for the elementary schools, and I worked together in the 80’s. She said that she had never heard anyone say, “I’m sorry as often as I did!” Unaware of my habit, I decided to put a nickle in a jar every time she caught […]

#73: IF YOU PLAY THE VICTIM PART OVER AND OVER, YOU WILL BECOME A VICTIM FOREVER!

There is nothing more satisfying for some people than to play the poor me (victim) role in their own play. Friends agree and commiserate with the victim, about how awful it was. They will tell “V” they love and they will always be there for them. Like the impossibility of eating only one potato chip, […]

#71: DO YOU EVER LET SOMEONE ELSE WIN?

My father and I were driving on the Irvine Ranch in California when he stopped the truck, “Stay here, I’m going to teach you an important lesson.” For the next half hour he drove the bulldozer that he talked the worker into relinquishing to him. Back and forth, back and forth he drove; he was […]

#71: CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE, CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

Attitude is a feeling or emotion towards a fact or state. Your attitude is what causes the drama in your life, so in essence it is the architect of the quality of your life. If you want to change your life, try changing your attitude. Perspective is how you view life, attitude is about how […]

#70: DON’T SHOULD ON YOURSELF!

When someone else tells you that “you should” do something, have you noticed that part of you closes down? Usually this happens because adults in your past used the word should as a reprimand: “You SHOULD do better in school, You SHOULD be more like your brother/sister. You SHOULD know better!” A trigger is something […]

#69: EXPECTING SOMEONE TO CHANGE IS AS REASONABLE AS GOING TO THE OCEAN AND EXPECTING FRESH WATER!

An expectation is like a cookie cutter—someone has a specific idea of what the cookie must look like. Expectations are boxes that people try to put other people into, and will shame, blame,, and threaten one who refuses to do so. Can you want someone to change? Sure. What you can’t do is make the […]

#68: NEVER TRY TO TEACH A PIG TO SING, IT’S A WASTE OF TIME AND ANNOYS THE PIG!

Many years ago, when I was involved in a law suit, my daughter, Kathleen, sent me a bumper sticker. Although I have lost the sticker, the sentence on it has stuck with me and is something I have used innumerable times. Someone you have known for a long time, starts making religious comments. Even though […]

#67: DON’T GO TO THE OCEAN AND EXPECT FRESH WATER (#2)

My last Sandy’s Wisdom talked about the ocean/fresh water idea in a relationship. As I was typing, it occurred to me there are other instances in which the title sentence can be applied. Anything as well as anyone who presents a moment which you get upset because you would like it to be different, is […]