An expectation is like a cookie cutter—someone has a specific idea of what the cookie must look like. Expectations are boxes that people try to put other people into, and will shame, blame,, and threaten one who refuses to do so.
Can you want someone to change? Sure. What you can’t do is make the person change. If agreed upon, you can give a person your advice, your reasons for a change to happen.
I was talking to my grandson, Evan about his love of playing football. “I have some pretty strong feelings about kids your age playing tackle football. In the next five minutes, I am going to share my thoughts. After I do that, I will not mention those feelings again. If you get hurt I won’t give you a ‘told you so!’ message. I will say nothing more about it.” For 5 minutes I talked about my concerns including exposing rapidly growing bones to hurtful tackles. When I finished, we did “knuckles” and I changed the subject.
What many adult don’t understand is that drilling information into another person’s head never works. Five seconds into a lecture, the child (or adult) goes to their happy place, and fails to hear a word spoken.
In the case of a choice that affects your life, (gambling, alcoholism, gaming) you have the right to ask for change. The consequence of not changing will be to lose you as a friend/partner.
Whenever you get into a verbal battle with someone, ask yourself, “What was my expectation?” Every problem between two people has TWO people who caused the conflict. If you take responsibility for your part in your life-play, you may change your need to be right.
Please share with friends and family!
Scott A. McDaniel photo
