When someone else tells you that “you should” do something, have you noticed that part of you closes down? Usually this happens because adults in your past used the word should as a reprimand: “You SHOULD do better in school, You SHOULD be more like your brother/sister. You SHOULD know better!”
A trigger is something that gets pulled whenever you are reminded of something said or done in the past. Think of it as a land mine; you’re having an interaction with someone and suddenly (Boom!) you hit a trigger. Most likely, you get unreasonably angry or upset.
If you want to discover some of your triggers, divide a piece of paper in four equal sections. Label one family, one work, one relationships, one myself. Into those boxes write “I should…….” for as many times as you choose. (I should listen to my mother more, I should be on time each day, I should ask what he/she wants to do, I should stop thinking negative thoughts.)
It isn’t that you don’t want to make the changes mentioned, the idea is that you will have a better attitude doing them if you simply change “I should” to “I wish/want/choose to…”
Watch your life change if you become your own coach rather than your personal warden. Don’t should on yourself!
Please share with friends and family.
Scott A. McDaniel photo.
