There is nothing more satisfying for some people than to play the poor me (victim) role in their own play. Friends agree and commiserate with the victim, about how awful it was. They will tell “V” they love and they will always be there for them. Like the impossibility of eating only one potato chip, the needy part of “V” will gobble up this attention.
In every relationship there are two people who are responsible for their choices. Both of them may cause a disturbance, a break in their connection. To blame one person is failing to own your part in the play. And to voice your victim complaints to all your friends is neither powerful a positive personal growth choice.
My former husband (who passed away several years ago,) was an alcoholic. I didn’t choose to drink too much so how am I a responsible part of the drama? I got angry often, but I didn’t draw the line in the sand for several years. I didn’t protect myself or my children by saying, “Get help now or move out tomorrow.” I never told anyone why we divorced because he lived in our community. There were lots of judgments directed at me, and I didn’t have a need to harm his life any more than losing all of us would do. I’ve never regretted that choice.
No one wants to be around someone who is constantly riding the “Poor me” horse. The same ol’ victim stories are tiresome and their repetition becomes boring. Only victims want to be with victims, and those aren’t people who look for a new pattern of behavior, leaving the past behind.
If you hear yourself telling victim stories to justify your current behavior, STOP! The past doesn’t need you to hang onto it, and standing up in the present will give you a whole new perspective about yourself.
Please share with friends and family!
Scott A. McDaniel photocopy
