Peggy Bielen my dear friend and co-creator of a self-esteem program for the elementary schools, and I worked together in the 80’s. She said that she had never heard anyone say, “I’m sorry as often as I did!” Unaware of my habit, I decided to put a nickle in a jar every time she caught me or I caught myself. She was right, I pretty much defended everything except breathing!
One of the most difficult classes I ever took had one impossible section to it, “Defend nothing!” For one week, I saw how many things I made excuses for or apologized for.”
Peg and I were together every day, working on our program, so I asked her to say, “Daisey!” any time I said something defensive. Peg and I called it the potty training of change: (1) Step one is to (pee) and notice you did so. (#2) is to feel you’re going to pee, then do it anyway, (#3) Feel you’re going to do it and stop. I finally learned to just be and not be defensive.
Where did we learn to be defensive? Primarily as kids, “Who ate the cookie?” or “Did you study enough, this grade is too low,” or “Are you going to wear that to school?” The judgments of others gave us cause to feel inferior. We are not kids any more. We need to stand up in our decisions and choices, take responsibility for the ones that don’t work, and……defend nothing.
Please share with friends and family!
Scott A. McDaniel photo
