We were not taught to learn from our mistakes! What more is a mistake than a choice that would have carried your life a different direction than it did. A poor choice! If I had a nickel for every poor choice I’ve made, I’d be Opra-rich! Mistakes are the way we learn—and Life seems to be uncompromising in that it repeats poor choices until we learn to make a better one.
From childhood, we were reprimanded, sometimes severely, for an error of choice. Rarely did a parent say, “That was an interesting choice. What did you learn from making it?” Instead, blame and shame was the hallmark of their parenting techniques.
So we learned to fear making a mistake. When we make a choice, we feel shame and blame which often leads to defensive communication and no thought about what is neededed in order to make a better choice. Like walking in revolving door, we recycle our mistakes. When the blame and shame feelings get deep enough, we start blaming someone else for our simple error of choice.
When I apologize for a mistake, I take responsibility for my part in our play, “I wish I had stated that more clearly. What I want you to know is…..” or “I’m so sorry that didn’t regard your feelings about this, I wish I had spoken about it differently.” or “I’m sorry for my part in the storm we just experienced between us. My anger lead me to say things I don’t really mean.”
Get off your back when you make a mistake. Mistakes ARE the way we learn. Learn from your mistakes, past and present, and allow other people to do the same.
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Scott A. McDaniel photo
