“When my daughter was a teenager, she came to me asking permission to drive two hours with friends to go to a rock concert. There was no way I was going to let her do that when she was 13. In order to hold the line, I needed to use a technique called the broken […]

Every choice you make is dependent upon your self-esteem. Think of self-esteem as needing two legs to stand on: One is LOVABLE and one is CAPABLE. Lovable embraces the feeling that I am loved no matter what I do. Feeling capable is to embrace that I am able to do something well. That seems like […]

I was talking to an African American eleven year old girl while we were floating in a friend’s pool. “What is it like to be a black girl in an upper class white school?” (Kids are seldom shocked by a direct question, especially if there is no judgment attached.) “It’s hard,” she responded. “Help me […]

The problem with having a critical parent is that you decided nothing you do or are is good enough. Society adds to that by bombarding us with advertisements, modeled for the rich and famous, to compare ourselves with others. We take on the role of criticizing ourselves, and therefore we are never good enough. This […]

If you haven’t watched Ted Lasso on Apple TV, you haven’t seen his demonstration of always finding the positive side of literally everything. Everyone loves that show because it is funny and because Ted is modeling how to find a positive in every negative. Do you know what the happiest animal on earth is? A […]

“I would be so much happier if he talked about his feelings!” “I wish she didn’t talk so much about one thing; I get the message after that first part of her lecture.” “I want my kids to be gracious and have good manners, and they don’t!” Taking the last example first, children only have […]

I was an elementary school teacher and a mother, so my compulsion to help someone “fix it” is extreme. I have a solutions-oriented mind. My caring is as deep as the ocean, high as a sky (sounds like words to put in a song…) One of the things that women often have difficulty understanding is […]

“She makes me so angry!” or “He hurt my feelings!” or “She ruined my day!” are all lies we tell ourselves (or other people) so we set ourselves up as victims. “If only they would change, then I could be happy,” is a great way to give up any thought you had for happiness. It […]

Like taking all the animals at a zoo and trying to make them resemble each other, there is enormous idiocy in our relentless pursuit of being alike. We’ve been given the gift of being an original, and yet we succumb to cultural pressure to be the same. The greatest contributor to divorcing our originality is […]

“I feel really sad about her dog dying, I….” (cut off) “That dog was a pain in the butt, he….” So the person who was sad feels invalidated and not heard. “You’re always so busy, and we never do anything fun together any more. Could we do a date night this week?” (Other person speaks,) […]